Duality and the Expat Experience
Living in Mexico, as likely as living in any culture foreign to you, gives you frequent exposure to duality. As an outsider, you might see forms of duality as culture-based solutions, as they often reflect differences in how a problem is addressed that make perfect sense in the context of the culture. Expats tend to be amateur sociologists. We spend a great deal of time sifting these opposing truths out.
To put it simply, duality is the nature in which everything holds opposing truths — all of which are true — at least in a relative sense. Understanding duality is vital to our human experience. It allows us to see things from ‘both sides of the coin” and to better understand ourselves and others amid the collective.
As we mature, typically we gain a better understanding of duality -In fact, Psychologists define the ability to hold contradictory information together - without your head blowing up - as emotional intelligence.
Here are a few opposing ideas that you learn to hold in your head as an expat in Mexico. They’re kind of random. Some are banal things you notice immediately, just warm-ups for the more profound dualities in store if you live in Mexico long enough, the ones that deal with death (… and even the concept of time itself…)
Hospital stays
In Mexico, if you have to be hospitalized, they expect your family to take care of you. To me this sounded rather dangerous, given my personal familial experiences. Mexicans justly believe that their families will take better care of them after surgery than strangers. (My family would just give me ice cream and make cocktails in my hospital room).
How the rich are viewed
When a character in the HBO series Succession made fun of a nouveau riche character’s gigantic handbag, it destroyed the large handbag business in the US. In spite of the program’s character's loathsome behaviors, Americans model the rich.
As Kurt Vonnegut wrote, “Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and therefore more estimable than anyone with power and gold.” No such tales are told in the US. The poorer mock themselves and glorify their betters.
Mexicans as a general population view arrogance in the rich as intolerable and take them down for it every chance they get. Mexican Spanish is flush with colloquialisms for arrogant people. (My personal favorites are “te crees muy salsa” and “echas mucha crema en tus tacos.) Social media viral video campaigns, referred to as Lords and Ladies, are expressly invented to humiliate members of Mexico’s upper classes, capturing precious moments of wealthy people behaving badly and taking those moments viral.
Medicines and remedies
Mexicans will try a number of home remedies before they go to a doctor. Homeopathic medicine is widely accepted in Mexico, where for some strange reason, they don’t discount remedies that are thousands of years old.
As an foreigner, these two truths, that a piece of dried weed might do as well for me as a nice, clean pill is a duality that’s hard for me to hold in my head (or steam in a teabag).
Employment in Mexico
A friend of mine once said that you’ll never see one bartender behind the bar at a party in Mexico. Looking at building repair and construction sites you’ll see projects that could be done more efficiently with more advanced equipment.
It’s far more common to see 10 people working, shall-we-say at their own pace and earning less than 5 people working harder for a better wage. The tendency in Mexico is to throw people at a low wage at the problem rather than money invested in technology. The duality is that both methods get the job done.
Greater importance of reputation in business
Sure, reputations are important in the U.S. After a time in Mexico however, you will discover reputation has a much greater emphasis in Mexico. Mexico has a weak legal system and less regulation of service industries, making a business’ longevity subsequently more important.
I’d be willing to bet that in weighing the preemptive action of finding highly reputable service providers against the knowledge of winning a lawsuit if it came to it are both likely have the same chance of deterring fraud and promoting ethical business practices.
Maintaining relationships
In Mexico, no one leaves messages or expects you to check phone messages. In spite of that, Mexicans do just fine keeping in touch with you.
When I make plans with a Mexican on a certain day, I’m more likely not to hear of complications from the Mexican when the day arrives than a US friend, (usually the aunt in the hospital. Knowing this, I always maintain an alternate plan in Mexico, whereas in the US I can usually trust that if we make it the the date, they won’t cancel.
An American friend likely won’t ditch me the same day but my Mexican friends call, drop by and make plans with me more frequently. They initiate more and don’t seem to believe much in pacing. When it’s tallied up, I end up seeing Mexican friends more often than I do my US friends (which for me is the bottom line).
The two opposing realities here are that you can be just as good or better at maintaining relationships without necessarily being the most reliable.
When we acknowledge that opposing ideas may both be true, we move into a new realm of thinking. It’s living and operating in this fascinating world of dual realities that makes expat life so much of an adventure.
About the author:
Kerry Baker is the author of books for people considering expat life, whether full time or a “mini life”. If Only I Had a Place is the absolute guide to renting in Mexico - far different than you’d think.
The Mexico Solution: Saving you money, sanity, and quality of life through part-time life in Mexico tells you how to set up for part-time life and the cultural surprises you will encounter along the way.
Her most recent work, The Lazy Expat: Healthy Recipes That Translate in Mexico is a cookbook for travelers, snowbirds and expats. In Mexico, you must cook to maintain a healthy diet. This book shows you how.